Beginning of the End

By this time next week, I'll officially be a law school graduate.

I'm honestly having a hard time getting excited for it.  I'm sure I'll start to feel it a little more on Thursday or Friday, and it's not like I'm feeling indifferent to it now; if I had to think of a way to describe these past few weeks, I'd have to say it's been kinda anticlimactic.  There wasn't some big celebration on the last day of classes since not everyone ended on the same day; same thing goes for finals.  After I took my last test, I knew I couldn't relax for too long since I had to start putting things together for my thesis defense this coming Wednesday.  And once that's done, I need to start reading for the first week of bar prep.  So while it may be "the end," it doesn't really feel like it.

I'm not gonna lie, part of the reason I'm not feeling the excitement is knowing that this is it.  No more school, it's time to enter the real world...ready or not.  I've been a student since I was 6 years old- 21 years!  I'm Van Wilder, minus the wit, charm, and Ryan Reynolds' rock hard abs.  Oddly enough, the most pressing matter, the bar exam, isn't what's stressing me out the most.  It's the day after the bar exam and everyday after that that keeps me up at night.  I have no idea what's gonna happen; for some people, the unknown is exciting, but for me, with $100k+ of student loan debt hanging over my head, it's terrifying.

Then of course, there's the parting of ways.  Saying goodbye to people who've become a part of your life over the past three years.  Sure, technology makes it easy to stay in touch, but a text message will never replace seeing someone everyday.  God willing, I'll be moving back to California in the near future, which obviously makes me happy because I'll finally be home, but that means leaving those that will be staying in Oregon behind.  And then there are the people leaving for other states far and wide.  Will friendships be reduced to the yearly "Happy Birthday!" wall post on Facebook, or will they endure?  Yet another unknown...

I hate being such a Debbie Downer because logically, I know that all of this, graduating law school and grad school, is something I should be proud of, and I am.  Law school was always my dream and it actually came true; to top it off, not only am I graduating with one advanced degree, but two!  But everything else, all of this "unknown" business, everything for the moment being out of my control, it sucks.  I know everything will work out in the end, but it's times like these when I really wish someone would give me an idea as to how it's all going to work out.  Just one little hint, that's all I need...

Oh, to have a clue...