"Oh hey buddy, I thought I smelled failure."

I was watching 'Glee' while making note cards for torts.  I love Sue Sylvester.

It's a good thing I live alone.  I got disc 2 of 'Glee' over the weekend and most of the time I don't even realize that I'm 1) grinning from ear to ear whenever a song starts and 2) using my remote as a makeshift microphone.

I wish I was a better singer.

I wish people just broke out into impromptu song and dance numbers.

If I could somehow incorporate my bar studying into music, I would pass with flying colors.

Exhaustion

I honestly can't believe how tired I am...

Yesterday we took a 100 question sample MBE (Multistate Bar Exam) and today, we spent seven hours analyzing EVERY SINGLE ANSWER.  It's amazing how just sitting, listening, and typing furiously can use up so much energy.

I planned on reading tonight, but I honestly don't think I can do it.  I'm not even trying to over-exaggerate, I can barely focus long enough to flip through a magazine.  Even E! News is putting me to sleep...

I've never been drunk before, but I imagine that it feels something like this.  Stumbling around my apartment in a daze, occasionally bumping into things (which I'm prone to do anyways, just not as frequently), laughing at inappropriate times (I live by myself, so this could also be a sign that I'm going crazy).  Now I'm just laying on my couch, contemplating whether I really need to take a shower tonight or not...dear God, that's so sad...

Things I'm looking forward to this weekend:

• Glee, Season 1, Disc 2, courtesy of Netflix
• SATC 2 (please, please don't disappoint me like the last one!)
• Going on a long run (pending my bum knee cooperating)
• SLEEP

And obviously, studying, but I'm not looking forward to that...

Zzzzzzzz...

It's Gonna Be a Long Two Months...

On the first day of bar prep we all got ID cards that we're supposed to show before each class (which I understand is helpful for a class of 100+, but there's only 13 people in the CA bar prep class in Eugene). This is pretty much what defines me for the next 10 weeks.  I knew it was gonna be hard, but it's only day two and I'm already exhausted.  I've been reading subject outlines since Sunday afternoon and classes this week go from 9 a.m. to 3 or 4 p.m.  Luckily next week we start our normal schedule, which is 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., but that doesn't mean it's going to get any easier.  It's an uphill battle from here on out...

I think I'll feel better once I get my study schedule figured out.  All I've done these past two days is go to class, read, and sleep.  I haven't gone running in two days, which I know isn't really that long, but it feels like an eternity to me.

Right now though, I've finished my 90 pages of reading for the night and the couch is looking mighty comfortable...

Whirlwind Weekend

What a ridiculous past few days it's been!

I kept meaning to post pictures from graduation, but Saturday was just jam packed, Sunday was spent reading 130 pages of bar review stuff in preparation for the first day of bar prep (oh, and the series finale of LOST, which required my full attention), and today was bar prep from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.  I was supposed to get through another 130 pages of reading tonight, but I only managed 70.  Right now, I'm at that point where my brain is filled to capacity and reading anymore would be useless since nothing's being absorbed. To think I have two more months of this to look forward to...

Anyway...graduation!  It was great!  I was nervous/excited during the ceremony, and sweating in my pretty dress thanks to the heavy wizard costume I had to wear for three hours.  At the end of it all, I am officially a Doctor of Jurisprudence.  I wonder how people would respond if I started insisting that they refer to me as "Doctor?"

Hogwarts for life!

Lovely law school ladies

Me and the proud Mama

Looking less like a wizard at the reception at Autzen

Overall, it was a good weekend.  It still doesn't seem real since I was right back at school bright and early this morning for bar prep.  And of course, it was a little sad since graduation meant saying goodbyes, which I hate.  But in the end, more happy times than sad, so it all evened out.

Here's to fun times and celebrations...since I won't be seeing anymore of that until the end of July...

Master's Degree? Check.

I successfully defended my thesis this morning, meaning as soon as the powers that be sign off on my statement of completion, I'll officially be a Master of Science!  That kinda makes me sound more like a mad scientist than anything else...I can live with that.

To celebrate, I came home, laid on the couch and was asleep within about 15 minutes.  Obviously, I know how to party...

A Gift...

I got a gift yesterday from one of my favorite people.

It was a really special gift and I hope they know that it meant a lot to me (I successfully fought the urge to tear up several times).

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have some of the greatest friends and family a person could ask for.  I was definitely reminded of that yesterday.  :)

Beginning of the End

By this time next week, I'll officially be a law school graduate.

I'm honestly having a hard time getting excited for it.  I'm sure I'll start to feel it a little more on Thursday or Friday, and it's not like I'm feeling indifferent to it now; if I had to think of a way to describe these past few weeks, I'd have to say it's been kinda anticlimactic.  There wasn't some big celebration on the last day of classes since not everyone ended on the same day; same thing goes for finals.  After I took my last test, I knew I couldn't relax for too long since I had to start putting things together for my thesis defense this coming Wednesday.  And once that's done, I need to start reading for the first week of bar prep.  So while it may be "the end," it doesn't really feel like it.

I'm not gonna lie, part of the reason I'm not feeling the excitement is knowing that this is it.  No more school, it's time to enter the real world...ready or not.  I've been a student since I was 6 years old- 21 years!  I'm Van Wilder, minus the wit, charm, and Ryan Reynolds' rock hard abs.  Oddly enough, the most pressing matter, the bar exam, isn't what's stressing me out the most.  It's the day after the bar exam and everyday after that that keeps me up at night.  I have no idea what's gonna happen; for some people, the unknown is exciting, but for me, with $100k+ of student loan debt hanging over my head, it's terrifying.

Then of course, there's the parting of ways.  Saying goodbye to people who've become a part of your life over the past three years.  Sure, technology makes it easy to stay in touch, but a text message will never replace seeing someone everyday.  God willing, I'll be moving back to California in the near future, which obviously makes me happy because I'll finally be home, but that means leaving those that will be staying in Oregon behind.  And then there are the people leaving for other states far and wide.  Will friendships be reduced to the yearly "Happy Birthday!" wall post on Facebook, or will they endure?  Yet another unknown...

I hate being such a Debbie Downer because logically, I know that all of this, graduating law school and grad school, is something I should be proud of, and I am.  Law school was always my dream and it actually came true; to top it off, not only am I graduating with one advanced degree, but two!  But everything else, all of this "unknown" business, everything for the moment being out of my control, it sucks.  I know everything will work out in the end, but it's times like these when I really wish someone would give me an idea as to how it's all going to work out.  Just one little hint, that's all I need...

Oh, to have a clue...

Baseballs Hurt

Courtesy of Oregon Live

So a bunch of us went to a Ducks baseball game this evening.  There had been a few foul balls hit into the crowd, but none in our direction.  And then, CRACK, one of those babies was sailing high in the air, right in our direction.  It's weird to think this all happened in a matter of seconds, because it seemed to hang in the air for the longest time.  When I realized that the ball wasn't just headed in our general vicinity, but right at our table, I tried to get out of my chair to move out of the way, but there were so many chairs crowded around that it just wasn't gonna happen.  Next thing I know, BAM!  I took a direct hit to the ass (it sounds dirty, but that's what happened).  And let me tell you, it HURT LIKE HELL!  And since I don't have that much junk in the trunk to begin with, there wasn't much to cushion the blow (wow, there's no way that this story won't sound dirty).

It hurt so much that my eyes started to well up, which was the beginning of the end for me.  Granted, getting hit in the face would have been a lot worse (the graduation pictures next week would have looked AWESOME), but getting hit on the ass isn't much better.  Then the tears didn't help, and then the drunk guy that came and hugged me while I sat there stunned/in pain sealed the deal.  I put my sunglasses on and ran off to the bathroom to examine the damage/stop the waterworks.

I knew there was a reason I never really cared for baseball...

Why Do These Exist?

The Cut via Huffington Post

I...I...I actually feel angry looking at these.  Not only does this look ridiculous, but one pair costs $340!  $340?!?!?!  Seriously...ick.

(Law) Schooooool's Out FOREVER!

Done!  I took my very last final this afternoon, which means I'm officially done with law school!  The final wasn't so hot, but it's done and I'm now t-minus 9 days away from graduation.  I'm not totally out of the woods yet though; I have my thesis defense on Wednesday morning, so it's back to work tomorrow.  Tonight though, I think I earned the right to just sit in front of the t.v. and think of nothing academic...

Speaking of graduation, I've been thinking about different graduation presents that I wouldn't mind getting if I had a million billion dollars (approximately).  Since I don't, I started narrowing down my wish list to things that are slightly more reasonable, and this is definitely in the top five:

Courtesy of Cupcakes and Cashmere

The lovely lady who runs the site "Cupcakes and Cashmere" is collaborating with Coach on a special edition bag (actually, I think several other style bloggers are doing the same thing), and I definitely want it. I realize I just got a new purse about a month ago, but...

Graduation present please???

Loves...

Jack Johnson makes me think of warm summer days...

Too bad I'll be spending mine in a classroom studying for the bar...

The "Dear God I'm Going to Fail at Life" Freak-Out of the Week (It's Only Monday)

Buster Bluth-Arrested Development

I realize that I'm not the only 3L on the verge of graduating from law school without a job, but sometimes it feels that way.  This afternoon it all just seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks...actually, a ton of bricks with sharp, possibly dirty needles sticking out of them, being swung at me repeatedly:

You're about to graduate.  BOOM!!!

You're about to spend two months studying for the California Bar Exam.  POW!!!

You don't have a job lined up and don't have many legal contacts in Southern California.  KABLAM!!!

And now for the kill shot: You may have to move back to Cottage Grove.  DEAD.

It's hard to come back from a genuine freak-out like that, so I've been sitting around my apartment in a funk, attempting to study for my last final on Thursday.  I keep trying to remind myself that if history is any kind of accurate indicator, things tend to work out for me eventually (I made it through law school, didn't I?), so I just need to make it through these moments and move on.  I found a little comfort in a quote on one of the other blogs I read, so I think if I just keep going back to that when I start to feel another meltdown start to bubble up, I won't waste valuable study/job hunting time in the fetal position, plotting my escape to another country and eventual identity change (I wonder how I'd look as a blond...).

P.S.- Why did I use Buster Bluth's picture for this post?  Because like me, he's a professional student who has yet to do anything meaningful with his degree(s).  And he's also prone to anxiety attacks.  We're like kindred spirits...except for the whole losing a hand to a loose seal thing.  But other than that...

Mother's Day

Walks by the river with a puppy who is the definition of a mama's boy.  A nice, quiet Mother's Day indeed...

The Beginning of the End

Juli, Kiley, Rebekah, and I have been doing "girl's night" since the beginning of 2L year.  Just fun little get-togethers where we have a chance to unwind and gossip about everyone else (hey, we're all guilty of it).  With graduation and bar prep rapidly approaching, this was our last chance to get together before all of the madness (and in Rebekah's case, moving) settles in.  It's sad, but I think we had a proper send-off: five hours of food, wine (water in my case), and lots of laughs and inappropriateness in between.

I'm sure gonna miss these girls...

Someday...

Courtesy of {this is glamorous}

Courtesy of [this is glamorous}

Courtesy of {this is glamorous}

Courtesy of The City Sage

As I contemplate studying for my last final (I had my first final this afternoon, so contemplation is all I can muster at the moment), I have to remind myself that all of this hard work is supposed to lead up to a job, which will hopefully lead to a paycheck, which will ultimately lead me to having some form of disposable income so that I can buy things like pretty shoes and have a house of my own that I can decorate.  I guess food too, but you know...priorities...

Sigh...dare to dream, dare to dream...

What Kind of Melon Are You?

I stopped by Victoria's Secret this afternoon and there were at least three men in the store being helped by sales associates.  It didn't seem like they were there with any wives/girlfriends/mistresses, which is usually the case; they were all flying solo.  I was browsing around when I looked over to see one of the guys gesturing with his hands, obviously trying to demonstrate to the sales associate what size his lady was.  By the looks of it, I think he might be dating Dolly Parton...

I wandered over to another section and overheard the following:

Sales Associate: It sounds a little odd, but some men use different melons as a way to estimate bra size.
Man: Well, uh...I guess maybe a cantaloupe?  Maybe a little smaller.  How big are Honeydews?
Sales Associate: Ummm...

I had to run to the beauty section because I was about to explode.  By far, the most amazing thing I've heard in a long time.

Hurts So Good

Sunday, I rolled out of bed at 4:30 a.m. to run the Eugene Half-Marathon.  I've been training since February and I was actually really excited for the day to finally be here.  The year before, my stomach was doing sickening flips all day, so it was nice that those nerves didn't make an appearance until an hour before the start.

I know that I'll never be an 'elite' runner, so my goals for the race weren't too lofty.  Main goal: FINISH.  I didn't care how; running, walking, limping or crawling, as long as I crossed the finish line, that's all that mattered.  Second goal: finish faster than last year.  As I've mentioned before, I'm a little bit competitive.  While I've accepted the fact that I won't be running a 7 minute pace anytime soon, I wanted to at least prove to myself that three months of running 20-30 miles a week actually paid off.

The first three miles were really good.  I was keeping a pretty steady pace and I only planned on walking when I got to the aid stations (which are spaced out every few miles).  A little bit before the third mile marker, my left knee started to tighten up.  This wasn't anything new, but usually I stop when I start to feel it.  I figured it would pass and waited until the first aid station to try and stretch it out.  I hoped that it wouldn't get any worse, but soon the pain spread up to my hip and then I could barely bend my knee enough to keep the bottom of my shoe from scraping the pavement.  I tried the best I could to only stop when I absolutely had to, but my pace really slowed down and by mile 10 I had tears in my eyes because it hurt so much.  I wanted to finish strong though, so when I got into Hayward Field (which is where the finish line was), I gave it all I got and went into a sprint for the last 200 meters and finished 15 minutes faster than I did the year before.  When I say "gave it all I got," I really mean it: the second I started walking, every muscle in my left leg pretty much froze and my right leg, which I'd been favoring for the past 9 miles, started to express its anger as well.  I did manage a smile though, since I could cross both my goals for the race off my list (and I crossed the finish line upright, no less!).  I wandered through the finishers area like a zombie for awhile before I headed to get a plate of post-race pancakes.  The one good thing about all of the training, I don't feel as nauseous as I used to after a long run, so I was able to get a few bites down and get my energy back up.

Despite the pain, I limped over to Starbucks to get coffee (hi, I'm a caffeine addict) and came back to the track to wait for my mom, who was running the marathon.  Maybe it was the sudden drop in endorphins/adrenaline, whatever, but I did feel kinda sad that no one was there to cheer me on at the end of the race.  Everyone else seemed to have people in the stands waiting with signs and manic screams of encouragement, and I didn't get any of that.  I know if Tiffany hadn't been camping for work she would have been there to cheer me on to the finish, so I can't feel too sorry for myself, but still...it would have been nice to hear someone cheering for me in the stands.

Even though I'm still limping around a day later, I'm really happy about this race.  I can't complain, I was 15 minutes faster than the year before even with a bum knee!  The next race I'd like to do is the Disneyland Half-Marathon on September 5th, but since I'm currently without an income, I'm thinking it will most likely be the Eugene Women's Half-Marathon around the same time.  Right now though, I'm just concentrating on letting my knee heal so that I'll be able to go out on runs to de-stress during bar prep.  I have a feeling I'm gonna need that outlet...

P.S.-My camera died pretty early on while I was waiting for my mom to get in, so I only got two pictures of the finish area.  The race photographers will post pictures in a few weeks, and hopefully there aren't too many of me looking like I'm in excruciating pain (not even gonna lie, every time I saw what looked like one of the photographers, I tried to look like I was having the time of my life).