Let the Freakout Commence

It's starting.

I woke up a little after 5:00 a.m. this morning because I'd been laying on my arm for probably a good several hours and it was numb from the shoulder down.  I freed my arm and as the blood began to slowly trickle back, I started thinking about finding a job.  Then the thinking turned into panicking.  I had visions of moving back to Cottage Grove, carrying a box containing my three advanced degrees, making my story even more tragic.  My stomach tightened at the thought of filling out an application to work in retail again, or worse yet- food services.

Needless to say, those two hours before my alarm went off were not spent in a peaceful slumber.

This past semester, when things were imploding epically around me, I spent many, MANY nights waking up several hours before my alarm was set to go off, unable to get back to sleep because my mind would start racing.  I was always amazed at how I could go from sleeping to panicking in a matter of minutes.  I had been sleeping peacefully since April, but it looks like I'll have to get used to being sleep deprived again (as if I wasn't already).

I've never had a real job before.  As a career student, I've been living comfortably in the world of internships, externships, and work study.  I honestly don't know if how I'm going about searching for a job is even right.  Everything I find, it seems like you need a minimum of one year of experience before they'll even consider looking at your resume.  Where are those jobs that say, "No Experience?  No Problem!"  Why can't I find those?  How am I ever going to clear that one year hurdle if the lowest level legal job I can find has that requirement as their minimum?

I don't know what I'm going to do come August 1st when I get home from taking the bar.  I wish I could afford to stay down there for a couple of weeks just looking for a job.  Lord knows it's even harder to search for a job when you're doing it from another state.  I need to be in LA to look for a job, but I need money to move to LA, and to get money I need...

It's a vicious cycle.

I may or may not have teared up about this at least once today.