Winter Break Doldrums

I don't do well with extended vacations. Mostly because I'm alone for them. When I was living in Los Angeles, I always had to come home to Oregon because either the dorms closed or the sorority house closed and I had to. Now in law school, everyone lives out-of-state, so I stay while everyone else scatters. My last final was Wednesday. I made it through Thursday and Friday just fine. It's Saturday now and I'm done. Unfortunately, I've got about another three weeks of this to go, sooooo...it's gonna be a long month.

I hate living here. I wish there was a more artful way to put it, and it's not to say that I don't like Oregon. You can 'like' a place but hate the thought of living there. I feel bad sometimes, like should have some attachment to the place I was born, but the only thing that will keep me coming back is my mom and sister. If neither of them lived here, I'm pretty sure this place would just be a memory.

When I get down I try to think about how I'll be done with school in May. I won't be able to split town right away, thanks to that pesky little test called the California bar exam, but it puts me just that much closer. I finally found a job to apply for in LA. It makes it all a little more real. Before, the thought of moving back down to LA just seemed like a dream that wouldn't come true again. I had my chance, and even though it wasn't my choice, I moved back here. Now, nearly five years after I said goodbye to the only place that I ever felt I truly belonged in, the idea of trading in my Oregon citizenship doesn't seem so out of reach. Until I'm in my car crossing the Oregon-California border though, it's still just a dream...

I need to get on top of the California job hunt. Hopefully I'll be somewhat productive in the next couple of weeks a find a few good leads. Ideally, I'd like to have five solid possibilities by the time school starts around the end of January. And since I'm superstitious, I'm gonna try to keep it all a secret. Last year, when I got the externship in LA for the summer and I started to tell people about it before the details were finalized, it all fell apart. If I can help it, no one (minus my mom and sister) will know anything until I've signed a contract or something along those lines. Whether that's a realistic goal or not, I'm not sure, but I definitely won't be volunteering the information myself.

Hopefully the job search and the looming thesis I have to start working on will be enough to keep me from going crazy these next few weeks. It's not exactly the most ideal vacation in the world, but since I don't have enough money in my checking account to buy a ticket to Hawaii and spend the next three weeks on a nice warm beach...it'll have to do.