I'm in a New York State of Mind

I went with my sister tonight to see "New York, I Love You" at the Bijou. The movie is basically a love letter to New York, featuring mini-stories about random things that you might say are unique to living in a city of roughly seven million people. It was better than I expected (and truthfully, I wasn't really expecting anything in particular) and it reminded me of when I was younger and wanted nothing more than to live in New York City. I was convinced after watching the first season of "Friends" (wow, I'm getting old) that NYC was the greatest city in the world and the place that I was destined to end up. Granted, I had never set foot onto the island of Manhattan, but I knew that there was nothing else that could possibly compare to living there. If I didn't live there, I was for sure that I would die. Did I mention that at the time I thought this, I was in middle school and a tad melodramatic?

Now I'm 27 years old and while I still haven't been to the city that never sleeps, I left the theater feeling a twinge of that longing I had when I was younger, to pack up all that I could fit into my bag and start a new life there. While I love LA and I'm more than 99% sure that it holds the key to my heart, there's always something about your first love. When I was a kid, I thought anything seemed possible if you lived in New York. As an adult, I still feel like you could walk out your front door in the morning and have a day worthy of one of the short stories in the movie. Maybe it has something to do with all of the walking. In LA (and in most cities for that matter), you're in a car going from place to place, zoning out in traffic for what ends up being a pretty decent portion of your life. In New York, you hit the pavement, or the subway, or share a taxi with a random stranger. Maybe you put your headphones on and zone out that way, but you're still in the mix, left vulnerable to bumping into a someone else just trying to get to their final destination. Maybe they end up being no one, maybe they end up playing a minor role in the story of your day. I'm not saying that that kind of thing isn't possible walking down Sunset in LA or walking through campus here in Eugene, but it seems like there's a magic in New York that makes that more of a possibility than anywhere else.

Watch, one day, when I finally fly to New York, everything that could go wrong will and I'll leave absolutely hating the place. Maybe someone from New York will stumble upon this blog, read this particular entry and say, "This girl has no idea what she's talking about! She's obviously not from New York." Either way, I hope the day comes in the near future (the trip to New York, not the heckler crushing my New York fantasy).

Until then, don't worry LA. I'm still your girl. You've got one thing that New York will never have: sun and warmth year-round. Los Angeles, I love you.

Winter Break Doldrums

I don't do well with extended vacations. Mostly because I'm alone for them. When I was living in Los Angeles, I always had to come home to Oregon because either the dorms closed or the sorority house closed and I had to. Now in law school, everyone lives out-of-state, so I stay while everyone else scatters. My last final was Wednesday. I made it through Thursday and Friday just fine. It's Saturday now and I'm done. Unfortunately, I've got about another three weeks of this to go, sooooo...it's gonna be a long month.

I hate living here. I wish there was a more artful way to put it, and it's not to say that I don't like Oregon. You can 'like' a place but hate the thought of living there. I feel bad sometimes, like should have some attachment to the place I was born, but the only thing that will keep me coming back is my mom and sister. If neither of them lived here, I'm pretty sure this place would just be a memory.

When I get down I try to think about how I'll be done with school in May. I won't be able to split town right away, thanks to that pesky little test called the California bar exam, but it puts me just that much closer. I finally found a job to apply for in LA. It makes it all a little more real. Before, the thought of moving back down to LA just seemed like a dream that wouldn't come true again. I had my chance, and even though it wasn't my choice, I moved back here. Now, nearly five years after I said goodbye to the only place that I ever felt I truly belonged in, the idea of trading in my Oregon citizenship doesn't seem so out of reach. Until I'm in my car crossing the Oregon-California border though, it's still just a dream...

I need to get on top of the California job hunt. Hopefully I'll be somewhat productive in the next couple of weeks a find a few good leads. Ideally, I'd like to have five solid possibilities by the time school starts around the end of January. And since I'm superstitious, I'm gonna try to keep it all a secret. Last year, when I got the externship in LA for the summer and I started to tell people about it before the details were finalized, it all fell apart. If I can help it, no one (minus my mom and sister) will know anything until I've signed a contract or something along those lines. Whether that's a realistic goal or not, I'm not sure, but I definitely won't be volunteering the information myself.

Hopefully the job search and the looming thesis I have to start working on will be enough to keep me from going crazy these next few weeks. It's not exactly the most ideal vacation in the world, but since I don't have enough money in my checking account to buy a ticket to Hawaii and spend the next three weeks on a nice warm beach...it'll have to do.

New Beginnings...Again

Sitting here, I realized that this isn't my first attempt at a blog. Not even my second. I'm actually not sure how many times I've started and stopped this whole blogging kick. Who's to say that this will be the one that actually sticks? I just know that my brain is near maximum capacity at the moment and I need a place to unpack some excess baggage.

I think the only way that this is going to work is if I start out small. I always set out with these lofty ambitions of sitting down at my computer every evening and typing out my witty and thought-provoking observations, but then I start drafting something and realize that a) I'm not as witty as I thought I was and b) my gift for creative writing has been beaten out of me by years of research projects and legal writing. As a result, I start off strong, get frustrated, and then eventually abandon the thing altogether. Come to think of it, this is a typical M.O. for me; type A personalities hate failing, so if I sense I'm bad at something, I get angry and give up. Anybody who's gone bowling or played pool with me knows this firsthand.

So to start out, I'm gonna try to update this once a week. I figure enough will happen over that span of time that I'll at least have something to talk (or complain) about. I do remember a time in my life where all I wanted to do was write, so maybe baby steps will help knock off some of the cobwebs. Maybe this will help get me motivated to spend my winter break writing my thesis...

...maybe I should just stick with the original "baby steps" idea. Yeah, that's probably better...